


A Bad Day Off

by Anyawen, bloodsuitsandtears, Castillon02, christinefromsherwood, Dart, Iambid (Flantastic), Kira_Katashi, magmadragon, notoneforreality, soufflegirl91, storm_of_sharp_things, themuller



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: A series of unfortunate events - Freeform, M/M, Poetry, Poetry Round Robin, and a goose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25631125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anyawen/pseuds/Anyawen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodsuitsandtears/pseuds/bloodsuitsandtears, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castillon02/pseuds/Castillon02, https://archiveofourown.org/users/christinefromsherwood/pseuds/christinefromsherwood, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dart/pseuds/Dart, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flantastic/pseuds/Iambid, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kira_Katashi/pseuds/Kira_Katashi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/magmadragon/pseuds/magmadragon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/notoneforreality/pseuds/notoneforreality, https://archiveofourown.org/users/soufflegirl91/pseuds/soufflegirl91, https://archiveofourown.org/users/storm_of_sharp_things/pseuds/storm_of_sharp_things, https://archiveofourown.org/users/themuller/pseuds/themuller
Summary: The 007 Fest 2020 Poetry Round Robin.In which Q and Bond both have the day off before their date and everything goes wrong. Also, there is a goose.
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Comments: 9
Kudos: 12
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	A Bad Day Off

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who took part! I hope you all had fun and enjoy reading the (un)finished product.
> 
> In the tradition of all round robins everywhere (or not), this one is unfinished. Maybe someone will write us an ending during 007 Fest 2021.
> 
> (additional creators will be added as an when AO3 lets me)

When he set out that fateful day,   
Q knew not what he’d see.   
He thought his day off work would pass   
Without such misery. 

It started well, a nice lie-in,   
Earl Grey, with toast and butter.   
But then he left to meet James Bond   
And peace began to shatter.

You see, at first, he missed the tube,   
The doors closed in his face.   
He waited for the next one with   
A swear and a grimace. 

When finally he took his seat,   
Ready to read his book,   
Who should come and sit next to him?   
A nasty, scheming crook!

Q knew at first he must beware:   
He saw a gleam of beak.   
Then Alec winked and grinned at him   
And then began to speak:

“I’m glad to see you took this train.   
I need help with my goose.   
The flight for Lisbon’s in an hour;   
I’m afraid that he’ll get loose.”

With a feast of English muffins    
And two cups of Oolong tea   
Began the day of agent Bond;   
No hint of misery.

It was when he put on his shirt   
Before his date with Q   
That Bond first sensed calamity:   
It was not his shade of blue.

‘Twould seem some crook had wandered in   
And changed out all his clothes   
These colors! Patterns! Polka dots!   
He couldn’t bear such woes!

He’d have to make it to the shop   
Before his date began.   
And so he snuck down Savile Row   
A sad and broken man.

And meanwhile, Q, in bafflement,   
Stared at the puzzling goose.   
He wondered how this involved him   
But felt it like a noose.

“You mean to sidetrack me, I’m sure,”   
He stated to the crook.   
“I’ve naught to do with this, you know!”   
And gave Alec ‘The Look.’

That fateful door on Savile Row   
Stopped Bond right in his tracks.   
All tailors ill, the sign declared:  
He must shop  _ off the rack _ . 

“Needs must when fashion devil drives,”   
Bond muttered with a sigh.   
But suits proportioned for his frame  
Were not in high supply. 

Now Alec, being a canny fox,   
Shoved Goosie in Q’s lap.   
It flapped as he fled through the doors:  
Agents never “mind the gap.” 

Q tucked the bird under his arm  
And glared at Alec’s back.  
His phone a weapon in his hand,  
He planned counterattacks.

While to the squawking bird he spoke,  
Flight plans he re-arranged.  
When Alec checked in to his flight,  
To coach class he’d been changed.

“Not even if you were the goose  
Of golden egg-known fame,  
Would I consent to keep you close.  
I’ll not play Alec’s game.”

Though it would cost him dear, he knew  
He asked for a large favour  
The goose with Eve would stay a while;  
His date with Bond he’d savour.

‘What is this bird?!’, said Eve, aghast.   
"Keep it 'til my return,"   
Q said, and turned to take his leave.   
"Some agents never learn."

Then, off Q went to find his date   
Cursing the busy place.   
He rushed for he could not be late   
When something hit his face

The rain and gust of English storm  
Had swept up off the street  
A sodden paper takeout bag  
That hit Q in the cheek.  


He turned his nose up at the smell  
Of soggy wrap and chips,  
He peeled the litter off his face  
And, cursing, pursed his lips.

‘This awful day,’ he thought, annoyed,  
And then picked up his pace.  
‘I hope that I soon find my date,  
To share a warm embrace.’

The blasted menswear section looms,   
Bond sulked at the display.  
Without a windowpane in sight,  
How could he save the day?

One choice stood clear without a doubt  
Like a shot to the knee  
The double breasted cat print suit  
Bond knew true misery.

The suit itself was bad enough  
Bright blue with yellow print  
But horror, the shirt’s matching ruff  
It really made him squint

He stood before the glass and stared  
To see if it would work.  
The shiver, he could not suppress:  
“I look an utter berk.”

“I can’t meet Q looking like this”  
He said to his reflection  
“He’ll laugh and then he’ll take the piss,  
I’ll make a new selection.”

‘Cause Q works with the agents all,   
One would think he knew   
To never think to test the fates   
Or they’d screw over you.

It couldn’t get much worse than that.   
Or so the boffin thought.   
Then through a puddle splashed a car,   
And made Q’s plans for naught.

Down to the bone he now was drenched  
And feeling very weary.   
Contemplating shopping or home,  
The day has left him teary.

He spotted a cafe nearby,   
Decided on some tea.  
How much worse could this day become,  
If only he could flee.

But just as Q took his first sip,  
His twin brother appeared.  
A shabby version of our Q,  
In poverty was reared.

“Hey bro, you're looking really down,  
Is there something I can do?”  
“Don’t get me started, Danny boy,  
My day’s gone down the loo.”

“How could it be so hard to just  
Have a boyfriend for once.  
This trouble for a bloody date,  
I feel like such a dunce.”

Bond sighed, now green with misery,  
Clothed in chartreuse apparel.   
He ought to see Q gingerly,  
Sipping his tea in peril.

So off he went down winding streets,  
And there, lo and behold!  
The cars that passed, their booming beats,  
Q sat, all wet and cold.

Beside him sat his twin, alas,  
Danny would help his Q.  
The date they wanted to retain  
Though feeling sad and blue.

For more than just a flickering,  
Bond eyed the brazen twin.  
Q looked aghast at Danny boy  
Who grinned his winning grin.

"A grin?" Appalled Q asked his twin,  
As Bond between them sat.  
"But Q, you see," he said, "let’s all  
Dine out and shock your cat."

"My cat?" Q asked, then eyed his Bond,  
"With suits like that, a cat of mine  
Will die a death of shock and grieve.  
But, as you say, let's dine."


End file.
